Our natural reaction when we feel anxious is to avoid whatever is making us feel that way. We want to get away from it, escape the situation or find a way to make the uncomfortable feelings stop. From a survival perspective, this makes perfect sense. If your brain interprets something as dangerous, then getting away from it means being safe.
We develop all sorts of ways to do this: trying not to think about something, distracting ourselves, cancelling plans, leaving situations or avoiding certain places altogether.
Here’s the problem: AVOIDANCE FUELS ANXIETY
There may be some short-term relief, but in the long-term avoidance increases and maintains anxiety.
Here’s why:
Acting as if we are in danger sends a signal to our nervous system that we actually are in danger. We’re living as if the threat is real.
Avoiding means that we believe the feared outcome didn’t happen because we avoided it. So the next time our alarm goes off, we avoid it again because we believe that is what kept us safe.
Let me give you an example.
The smoke alarm
What happens when you burn a piece of toast?
The smoke alarm goes off.
What does the smoke alarm believe is happening?
The house is on fire.
Now imagine that, in response, you started screaming for everyone to leave, throwing buckets of water around, removing anything flammable and calling the fire service.
Would this behaviour increase or decrease your level of panic and anxiety?
Probably increase.
The more you react and behave as though the house is actually burning down, the more you are telling your nervous system that the danger is real. Your behaviour reinforces the idea that there must be a real danger.
Anxiety works in much the same way. It is an alarm system designed to alert us to potential threats. But an alarm going off doesn't necessarily mean the danger is real. And reacting as though it is feeds the anxiety.
The mystery box
Have you seen the videos of people putting their hand into a box without being able to see what's inside. The viewer can see what’s in the box, but the person putting their hand in cannot.
Imagine what might be going through their mind:
What if something bites me? What if it's poisonous? What if it hurts?
They might hesitate, repeatedly pull their hand away or shriek at the slightest touch.
But what if all that's inside is a warm baked potato?
The potato was never dangerous. The fear came from not knowing what was inside, imagining what might happen and then acting as if they were in danger.
Instead, If they calmly put their hand into the box and touched the potato, they would discover there was nothing to fear.
This is the principle behind facing anxiety rather than avoiding it. When we stop escaping, we give ourselves the opportunity to discover that the situation isn't as dangerous as our anxiety predicts.
The aim isn't to make anxiety disappear before we face something. It's to face it, allow it to be there and learn that we don't need to escape from it.
